ZU Report

Birthdays

2008-08-26T11:12:00.001+02:00

I turned 33 yesterday i lemme tell you - people need structure. Unless you give them a birthday celebration you will have to have a drink with them. Drinks are much more informal and clickish so at this rate i will be having drinks by until the end of the week.

Love interest is lost in the limbo of travel. She just sent me a simple message. I feel neglected.

Just for fun

2008-03-17T16:58:00.001+01:00

http://kamerondijaz.myminicity.com/

Diletanti - Božić dolazi

2007-12-21T21:14:00.001+01:00

Merry Christmas everyone

Parkour and FreeRunning

2007-11-24T01:56:00.001+01:00

Pen Spinning Stunts

2007-11-24T01:30:00.001+01:00

Footbag - Felix Zenger

2007-11-24T01:23:00.001+01:00

Beatbox - Felix Zenger

2007-11-24T01:20:00.001+01:00

World of Warcraft Commercial - William Shatner

2007-11-23T01:24:00.001+01:00

Cabby no more

2007-11-21T22:27:00.001+01:00

I just heard news about an NGO that operates in San Francisco and NY that helps college educated immigrants from Least developed and newly industrialized countries (as defined by the UN). Story says that they helped many college educated immigrants find jobs in their chosen profession. Is this post helps someone get in touch with them that is great.

You can find them on the web at http://www.upwardlyglobal.org/

Miso at ECHR

2007-11-14T19:06:00.000+01:00

Pretty much all of you who know me know that my dad is a lawyer. Well, today he presented his arguments before the Grand Chamber of 12 judges of European Court of Human Rights. He represents the Croatian nationals in the case against the Republic of Slovenia and all connected to foreign currency deposits at Ljubljanska Banka. He is the gray guy who speaks first and long in the video you can watch by following the link. It is pretty interesting if you know what he is talking about.

Music video

2007-10-03T21:21:00.001+02:00

Opening Speech

2007-10-01T00:02:00.001+02:00

This is just for kicks. The speech I opened the dance between bride and groom.

Best man

2007-09-30T23:24:00.000+02:00

I just got chastised for not reporting on being a best man on a wedding of my good friend Roland. Those who read my blog regularly know I am not too bright of a fellow so I apologize to him and his lovely bride. In return I will post some video of me and the weeding.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Tequila

2007-09-30T00:20:00.000+02:00

I feel energized.

So, I went to Novi Sad last weekend. And oh boy, did I have a good time. I went to see my mother of course, but I also met up with a girl I met online few months back. Now, Zorica is a lovely young thing age 24. Friday night when I arrived I went for dinner with my mom, her boss and his daughter. She too is a lovely young thing age 24. Both are blond and both are lovely. Regrettably, I did not get any action form either of them but I met two very interesting women.

I have to say I had an excellent time and my visit there was marked by tequila. Friday and Saturday I had eight shots each night. Friday was worse because I had a bottle of wine before I had tequila. That was fun!

Saturday I went out with three hot girls: Zorica (24), Dijana (20) and Danijela (24) - Dijana and Danijela being sisters. We had a table in a newly opened club Aquarius. That music was definitely my stile. It is commonly called turbofok but locally we call it “cajke”. After girls were attacked by a lovely looking lesbian we left for another club - Kontrast. There, music was much better. Both nights I came home around 6 am. I am very pleased with my visit.

Now, every one was asking when I will be back. So, I’m thinking Serbian New Year would be cool. They celebrate New Year ’s Eve 14 days later according to the old calendar.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

When I assume I just make an ass out of me, nobody else

2007-09-11T01:53:00.000+02:00

A friend of mine from my HS days in Abilene, TX; just dropped me a note on Facebook. She mentioned that she has s photography workshop in KC this month. So I responded: Photography? Hmm, Interesting! Is that what you do? Then I went and looked at her portfolio. And than I was like. Oh, nice work Meenu. I like the photos from Mexico but I would crop this one differently (here I am all confident because I took two semesters of photography at college). So I sent her that message and after that I looked at her bio. I nearly pissed my pants.

This is what happens when I speak out of my ass. Meenu, of course, graduated The San Francisco Art Institute with a degree in Fine Arts. Her work was been featured in some major US media and she completed an internship with Magnum Photos in 2003. (For all of you ninnies who don’t know who Magnum Photos are… well just read your National Geographic, or any other magazine that has pictures in it for that matter. See any picture you like? Chances are somebody from the Magnum Photos took it.)

She currently resides in Seattle, Washington.

Check out her work at:

http://www.meenu.org/

Please post your comments here or drop me a line on just how dumb I am at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

B-day (times 32)

2007-08-25T13:22:00.000+02:00

I’m all grown up. No need to pretend I am a kid any more. I am a mature man of 32. And I am pleased I must say.

I moved into my own place recently and I need to buy a car soon. I finally surrendered and I enrolled into law school. I also decided that I should not deal with my internet addiction and that is has become a part of my everyday life and I am not burdened by it at all.

When I was leavening the US I jokingly said I would miss three things about it: NPR, HBO and jalapeno chips. Now I have NPR, soon I’ll have HBO, but still no jalapeno chips. For this reason I decided to renegotiate. I want a porch instead of chips. Hope I get it.

As far as wishes go - I want a tall one – Harrr. (see picture above).
As far as presents go – friendship is good enough but if you feel guilty I’ll take comics or wine. Plenty room for both.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Shaping up

2007-07-29T00:00:00.000+02:00

My apartment is shaping up very well. I came back from Austria today and I brought back this little saucy number (see picture on the left). Lots of work to do still. Il post photos of the whole apartment when I’m done. It will be a while still because the kitchen still remains a problem.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

If I want a child…

2007-02-28T16:48:00.000+01:00

…I’ll adopt
If I want sex I’ll buy a whore.

I have been feeling a little underappreciated lately. First of all people look at me strangely because I’m smart (not smart mouthed) – small wonder there, but I have recently been made to feel like an ATM with regards to women. (No I’m not paying for “it”)

This is the story. I live in a more basic form of society (civilisation is en par but the culture is primitive) mind you.

The other day I came back from the market and brought some fine smoked cheese. Soon I learned from the girls from the office:

Cheese = good
Man bringing cheese = good

So I started inquiring about my role in society. And after further analysis I came to the conclusion that I was assigned the role of “bacon bringer”. From this I deduced that my role in a woman’s life is to come down to sponsorship:

1. Provide food
2. Provide shelter
3. Provide sexual satisfaction and good fatherhood for children.

Similar to that the society’s role for a woman (read sponsored/dependant) – something I’m expected to want from her are:

1. Cook food
2. Clean shelter
3. Provide sexual satisfaction/birth and take care of children

As for companionship and understanding I think I’m expected to find this in the company of other men – my friends because I certainly will not find it in women. (and you wander why there are gays)

Sexual liberation and its after-effects benefited both sexes:
1. Women are no longer dependant on men. (no more abusive husbands)
2. Women are no longer dependant on men. (larger choice of women for men – man is no longer the sole provider – no more prolonged courtship)

See the effect?

I as a man am no longer here to solve your existential questions.

(Read I’m not here to solve your problems).

As Jay-Z puts it:
Just because you give good head, I'ma break bread
so you can be livin it up?

See the reason for those first two statements.

I can do better…

I can get a girlfriend that might actually like me and understand me; instead of one that will look for some one to provide the credit card.
So it would be lovely to find someone who actually might understand my philosophical ramblings and engage me in intelligent conversation. Someone who on the other hand might participate equally in our life’s struggles? Sure would be nice to find a whole person sometime.

I’m afraid I will have to move out of the country.

Five Finger Fillet

2006-11-16T14:01:00.000+01:00

When I was a kid I was a knife freak and we played this game often. Lots of times we used a wooden knife but not always. Game was known to result in minor injuries. This is a bit more serious.

Not recommended for offices as it may become contagious.

Five Finger Fillet - Game

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Choke

2006-11-14T13:14:00.000+01:00

I have been away for a while. I was supposed to take a test today to pass my logic exam. I choked and id did not take the test. Yesterday I was staring blankly at my notes from all these books I read. All those things looked vaguely familiar but I did not have a feeling I grasped it all.
In order to sort out my thoughts I will post all my notes on the website. I hope this will help me focus and understand the complete body of logic. (or at lease the portion I am supposed to learn).

I. University textbooks and general introduction to logic

1. Gajo Petrović: Logika
2. M. Cohen, E. Nagel: Uvod u logiku i naučnu metodu

II. Logic history

1. A.N. Prior: Historija logike

III. Symbolic logic

2. A. Tarski: Uvod u matematičku logiku i metodologiju matematike

IV. Philosophical and logical discussion

1. Aristotel: Organon
2. G. Frege: Osnove aritmetike
4. L. Wittgenstein: Tractatus logico-philosophicus

Il try to keep them in order but I might stray a little.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Music on the Internet I

2006-09-23T12:30:00.000+02:00

And when I say this I don’t mean stuff you get off of P2P services.
NPR Music received the Webby awards for the best place to hear music on the internet. B listening to their podcast I recently got turned on to The Walkmen. I downloaded the whole set they did in concert and I especially enjoy the song Emma, Get Me a Lemon, We've Been Had and All Hands and the Cook

My space

Everybody who is anybody, and their dog, now has a My Space account. Latest news indicate that My Space was growing at the rate of 250 000 accounts per day and they now number 80 million. Some of these people are artists any you can find their selections at My space music or listen for artists of the day on – what a way to get discovered!!! I surmise that if your tinternet connection is astong enought you can load a your playlist of videos at You Tube and listen to music streams that way.

Legal downloads

For all those who have an iTunes account know that you can pusometimes they offer free downloads from new artists.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

PS.
I have been feeling kind of crappy for a week but today is a new day and I feel good enough to post. This is by no means finished, but it is a post.

Now once more with feeling

2006-09-15T14:57:00.000+02:00

Internet brings salvage on my shores often. So recently I ran into this interesting site We Feel Fine that searches internet for feelings and logs them.

To be precise the website searches Blogs for the sentence “I feel” and than it deposits the sentences and images in an interesting looking app done up in flash. This is like having a pulse on the “feeling” of Internet.

Blog data comes from a variety of online sources, including LiveJournal, MSN Spaces, MySpace, Blogger, Flickr, Technorati, Feedster, Ice Rocket, and Google so whatever you are feeling you can always go and check how many people feel in a similar way. Website has several ways to organize the information. Basic is Madness where you can just grab a feeling and similar feeling will gather around it. You can also look at it in Murmurs, Montage, Mobs, Metrics, and Mounds. Clever use of Java and Flash. Check it out.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

PS. Still no mike.

Beer and Pizza

2006-09-11T15:32:00.000+02:00

I tried cooking yesterday. I bought some spaghetti and pesto. That turned out OK but the beef steak I bought tasted like sole of my shoe. It wasn’t horribly leathery but I did cook it a bit too long.

So today I resorted to Pizza and beer. I feel like a college student – which I am not. It seems I failed my entrance exam. I do not feel odd a about it at all. There will be time next year. In the meantime I will take a couple of communication courses at InOptimum. (exp. Optimum Zone and Charisma Design, and possibly In & Out - Identity Wizard)

I also switched to Flat Rate Internet so I will be getting a Skype account very soon.

Messenger has been acting out today so please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Memorabilia box

2006-09-04T12:33:00.000+02:00

All the trouble with my high school records was completely meaningless. I had the diplomas all a long. They sat at the bottom of my memorabilia box COMPLETELY UNMARKED. I’m fine now. I just have to take the test tomorrow morning at 9:00 am. So keep your fingers crossed. I’m leaving tonight at 5:00 pm. I am clueless of how I will pass the test. I forgot all of Croatian literature. Vast number of questions refers to the correct spelling/pronunciation of Croatian words and their cases (genitive, accusative etc.) Other questions refer to literature long forgotten. Logic should be fine. Philosophy questions too I hope.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Wonderful and strange Sam McGee

2006-09-02T01:24:00.000+02:00

One of the reasons I loved B. so much was because she inspired me. I always thought she had great potential as a writer – especially of children’s literature. What she had in talent she made up by lacking in discipline. Once she wrote a wonderful poem about a scary troll who was allergic to bee stings. I searched the hard drives today hoping to find it but I failed. So that poem is filed somewhere on a random scrap of paper unfinished or perhaps it is still floating about B’s head.

So instead of the troll poem I will post one I heard only recently which inspired me equaly. Poem is called “The Cremation of Sam McGee” and it was originally published in 1907. (So I assume I am not breaking any copyright laws by posting it here) If you would like to hear a nice interpretation by NPR journalists you can find it here. Here you can hear an interpretation by Johnny Cash.

The Cremation of Sam McGee

by Robert W. Service

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam ‘round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he’d often say in his homely way that “he’d sooner live in hell.”

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka’s fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we’d close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn’t see;
It wasn’t much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o’erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and “Cap,” says he, “I’ll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I’m asking that you won’t refuse my last request.”

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn’t say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
“It’s the cursed cold, and it’s got right hold till I’m chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet ‘taint being dead—it’s my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you’ll cremate my last remains.”

A pal’s last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn’t a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn’t get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: “You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it’s up to you to cremate those last remains.”

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows—O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I’d often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the “Alice May.”
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then “Here,” said I, with a sudden cry, “is my cre-ma-tor-eum.”

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared and the furnace roared—such a blaze you seldom see;

Then I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn’t like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don’t know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: “I’ll just take a peep inside.
I guess he’s cooked, and it’s time I looked;” . . . then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: “Please close that door.
It’s fine in here, but I greatly fear you’ll let in the cold and storm—
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it’s the first time I’ve been warm.”

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Broiled meat for breakfast and my troubles are still not done

2006-09-01T10:03:00.000+02:00

I arrived in Osijek late last night. I took a room in a socialist built hotel of which I was the only guest. I had McDonald's for dinner and went to sleep under the neon light of Hypo Leasing sign. I woke up and headed to McDonald's for breakfast. (hence the broiled meat, they have no breakfast menu, which pisses me off I wanted an Egg Mc Muffin) I took out my birth certificate and Domovnica. I paid my HRK 300 as an application charge and asked for them to hold off until i get my senior year transcripts from the States. Woman grumbled. They gave me until the September 5th. I might have to call in a favour - big one - if my transcripts do not get in on time.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Some of us make it

2006-08-31T02:19:00.000+02:00

So I spoke with Ada. She is happily married and lives in Alsace where she teaches English. She has been married for 4.5 years and she and her husband met at the French Riviera. Sounds exciting, does it not?

Before I met B. I never thought I would find “The One” and after we parted I did not think I would find “Another” but this kind of news – News that some of us make it – encourage my belief that it is not that bleak after all.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Trouble II

2006-08-30T15:26:00.000+02:00

I'm tired, wet and I haven't gotten much done today. The office that issues my birth certificate and my Domovnica closed right in front of my nose. Lazy bastards shut down before time. At least I have three of my diplomas. I am still waiting for my transcripts from the States. I hate the fact that I will have to do all this crap again tomorrow. Train ride and all. I managed to book a room for Sunday because the test is on Monday. Funny thing is the man who worked there asked ma about my dad. He was a server at his first wedding. Funny that.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

B-Day

2006-08-26T04:20:00.000+02:00

Day started busy. I had a million things to do. And I did them. I had coffee with Roland and saw Vesna.

Around 7:00 pm I met up with my friend Stjepan Klein. (see picture – it is from last year however) He directs commercials for a living and he is shooting three beer commercials in Croatia. We went out and had dinner at this popular Italian restaurant “Boban”. Regrettably we did not get hammered (regrettably because I have not been drunk in – long many YEARS).

Zucker kommt zuletzt – At least the old Croatians say so. I was rejoiced to receive an email and a greeting card from an old flame. Her name is Adrianna Zuk. Amazingly beautiful creature she is. Every time my friends and I review my dating record boys get all misty-eyed and dreamy when we talk about Adrianna. They claim she beats Bojana hands down as far as attractiveness is concerned - no contest.

The reason I was overjoyed to her from her was – well because it is nice to her from old friends - but I also had an anterior motive. I believe I may have mistreated her (I am sure i did) when we last met and this is something has been nagging at me for all these years. It was not caused by anything she did. I was just stupid, dumb and immature. This gives me a chance to apologise. Something I was not able to do for a long number of years. To tell her how very sorry I was and am for hurting her. She is one of the genuinely nicest people I met. My friends are not the only ones to remind me of her - my parents REALLY LOVED HER and they too remind me how nice she was - whenever scuch opportunity arises (about once a year).

So all in all GREAT B-Day!!!

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Trouble

2006-08-23T16:03:00.000+02:00

I’m trying to enroll into law school. For that I have to present my high school records. Problem is my father lost them. Now I need to talk to Cooper High School in Abilene, TX and ask them to send over my high school transcript - Immediately. I’ll keep you posted on the progress.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Full circle

2006-08-14T23:56:00.000+02:00

About Bojana and I. I met someone the other day that really put a dot on it for me. Bojana and I are not for each other, not now. Since we broke up I heard many things about her – not very many good ones. She has hurt many people. That is something she will have to mend - over time. She has hurt me as well. But I can’t keep a grudge long - it does not fit well with my character. So I decided to say something good about her.

Bojana and I started as friends. Quickly it turned to love. She is easy to love. Yesterday I was reading some of our mail dating all the way back to 1998. Oh, there was so much love in those letters of years past. Do not ever think it is impossible to love someone too much. I often said I love Bojana much more then is allowed. Same applies still. After you let go of all the hurt – love is the only thing that remains.

She was correct in her decision to break up. We needed to part ways. She was a bit distant towards the end of our relationship and this gave her a better vantage point to realize this. I am glad she had the strength – strength I never could have mustered – to walk away. I see it too now that some time had passed. I was just too hurt and too angry to see it and in my anger I completely pushed her away. This I regret. But the truth is - this was best for both of us.

Our paths diverged and I was asking something from her that she was unable to give. She may be able to do this in time, but to someone else. There are some things in life one cannot teach. Some things you have to learn for yourself. I hope in time she will understand my position. But she will certainly get much more out of life like this. We could have had a very good life together. I hope we shall both have good lives separately.

I have known Bojana for over eight years now. I may say I know her very well. Hers is a light that blinds. This I cannot explain to those who do not know it. I still think she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. She has incredible potential as a person and I hope she finds the courage and a way to see it realized. She too makes mistakes, but don’t we all. Judge not to harshly lest you be judged.

I hear she is doing well. She is focusing on the positive. She sheds negative quickly and easily, that often blinds her to many other thing, but as we said before – none of us are perfect. She filled my years with love and joy. She was my reason to get up in the morning. She was my desire in the evening. I am glad for all the years I spent with her. I truly wish her all the best in life. May her wishes be fulfilled and may she find happiness – with whomever she finds fit for that. If she ever needs me as a friend - I will be there.

As for me - I need to do what I have set out to do – no distractions.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

In bed, I'd like to count somebody else's toes for a change

2006-08-14T03:46:00.000+02:00

I was out with Roland the other day. He persuaded me to open an account at a local dating site Iskrica (Spark). I was feeling silly so I did. I doctored up my profile a little (regrettably it is in Croatian only but I think I was witty) I posted some photos but those are awaiting approval. Meat market. What can I say!

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

I'm in love with Lorelai Gilmore

2006-08-08T21:33:00.000+02:00

Not really her but those cold autumn days -
In America.

I miss wooden porches and hemstitched quilts,
Spiked tea and golden leaves.
I miss pumpkin carvings and bicycle rides,
Scented girls and hot pies.
I miss thick carpets and strangers’ greeting,
The old couches and warm feelings.

Good friends and fond lovers,
I miss them all – From America.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Potatoes and Candy

2006-08-08T10:30:00.000+02:00

I came back from my vacation on Saturday but before I went I listened to a podcast on Radio Opensource about Potatoes. The show guest starred The Chowhound who spoke of potatoes. The chowhound mentioned a little island of Tristan da Cunha (Quite remarkable so check it out) where they supposedly grow most excellent potatoes which they fertilize with penguin guano. So if you like potatoes – Dig in.

Opensource did something similar with Candy. This show too was fun to listen to and im sure girls would love it.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Acceptance

2006-07-26T09:54:00.000+02:00

According to The Kübler-Ross grief cycle there are seven cycles in dealing with bad news (like you have cancer or similar).

They are:

Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.

Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.

Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.

Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Because every relationship dies a little death I passed many of these along the way and I believe I have reached the Depression stage - Final realization of the inevitable.

Then I sealed the deal by sending her a letter - for my closure sake. I was very open and honest with my feelings. I have said all I needed to say to her. I have nothing more to tell her.

It was not well received. I invited her to talk to me if she ever wants to. I doubt that will happen.
Some of you might be pissed off at me because of this - Yes, you Vesna, but honesty I’m not concerned. I was not going to keep this in my mind for the rest of my life until I died of bitterness. I released it and now my thoughts have a life of their own. I told no lies. It is better this way, I won’t look back.

Two stages to go – keep your fingers crossed.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Contemporary American poetry

2006-07-23T20:44:00.000+02:00

I have friend, an attractive young woman named Angie. Recently she fell for some guy who fancies himself a poet. Soon after it became evident that this dude is a jimbronee (Artie will know how to spell this correctly so drop me a line brother), in other words, a no good bum.

Since then Angie and I spoke much about poetry. I ragged on poetry, especially the kind this guy was selling. That ragging did not exactly reflect my feelings about poetry. There is a difference between this crap the boy is trying to sell so he could pick up chicks. (A phase I went through in junior high and high school- you know the act – I’m so smart and bohemian. I wear a beret and dig weldschmertz and all) and serious literary work.

Today I listened to “The Poetry of Franz Wright and Fanny Howe” at Radio open source. Franz Wright appeared at the show and read his poems and talked of his life. He is a former alcoholic and drug addict that won a Pulitzer Prize for poetry in 2004. I particularly liked the poem “The only animal”.

Now Angie, when we speak of poets, we say that some are good and some are bad. How do we judge which is which? Well, I found my measuring stick my junior year in college. While attending a class in Metaphysics I was supposed to read some articles on metaphysics and report on them in my class. I headed to the library and picked up a Review of Metaphysics from 1976 (I’m not 100 percent that it was 1976, it could have been 1974) and read an article “On a subject of a poem” (or something like that).
The author is Neo-Platonist and he proposed that the subject of a poem is something distant. Author poses a question whether a subject of a poem first appears in a poet’s head and only after he writes it down becomes a part of collective consciousness (subconscious) or if an idea is first conceived in collective subconscious and then the author plucks it from there and puts it on paper (where forming of the idea is finalized as he/she writes it down). Author preferred the later and so do I.

For me a poet is good if he/she is a master of plucking the collective subconscious for ideas and forming them into big beautiful grapes for us to feast on. Everything else is pure quackhood. Those people are charlatans, shadowcasters and fools – uninspired wordsmiths - perhaps glib, but lacking in spirit.

So I do like poetry and it is no secret that my favorite is Robert Frost. I especially like “The Road Not Taken” which I recite to myself often - almost like a mantra – and “Fire and Ice”. Other than Frost I always liked to recite William Wordsworth's "Daffodils" for they always touched my heart.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Affair proofing

2006-07-20T22:23:00.000+02:00

I was just trying to read something about emotional betrayal and relationships on the Internet and this is what I ran into. This is a list of thing to do in order to try to make your relationship Affair proof. (This however does not necessarily reflect my views)

There is a link to the original site but I just wanted to post it in a blog... I hope they won’t mind:

The steps below will help shield your relationship against betrayal:

1. Avoid sharing intimate or personal details about your partner or relationship with others (especially when you are arguing or not getting along). This includes co-workers, of course, but also friends and relatives. It is awkward for all concerned. If you definitely need to share with someone, find an objective, uninvolved third party such as a minister or therapist.

2. Avoid socializing with opposite-sex friends or co-workers, where there will be alcohol, flirting, dancing. etc.

3. Avoid taking too much advice from well-intentioned friends and family. They don’t really know/understand your relationship dynamics well enough to give you wise, well-informed advice. Your partner might believe you have broken his/her confidence and feel sided against.

4. Don’t have lunch with same person at work repeatedly unless it is in a group setting and you can keep it impersonal.

5. If you have any questions about a relationship you already have, discuss it thoroughly with your partner. Remember the test: Would your partner be comfortable if they could hear an audiotape or see a videotape of your interactions with the other person?

6. Have an in-depth discussion with your partner as to what each of you considers infidelity. Be sure to include emotional affairs, internet sex relationships as well as extramarital sexual relationships. REACH CONSENSUS.

7. Don’t consistently confide in the same person. It often leads to emotional bonding and can be potentially dangerous to your relationship.

8. Do not contact “old flames” from the past.

9. Do not visit secret chat rooms where there are 1-1 chats.

10. Avoid email relationships that involve daily or in-depth personal sharing. Obviously, some of the best steps toward affair proofing your relationship are those that are based on strengthening your relationship and enhancing your intimacy with your partner.

1. Stay connected by touching, talking, going on dates, and sharing fun, laughter, hopes and dreams.

2. Have meaningful, intimate communication on a daily basis

3. Engage in frequent satisfying sexual/physical contact

4. Explore and resolve conflicts on a regular basis; nothing kills love and sexual attraction like unresolved anger.

Maintaining a healthy relationship requires time. For effective affair proofing you need to add 5-10 hours of quality time per week for the average marriage to grow and thrive. It is absolutely essential that enough time be given to marriage. It is so easy to find all the reasons that there isn't enough time. But the average AFFAIR consumes 10-15 hours per week and plenty of people find time for that. So which would you choose to spend 10 extra hours per week on?

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Answer

2006-07-20T22:15:00.000+02:00

If you were wondering why I’m posting less I have to tell you I have been busy. Actually since I passed the first of my exams for nitrification of my diploma last Monday I decided to celebrate and bought a bottle of Veuve Clique. (See picture right) and took out some friends out for Chinese.

Last weekend I went to my friend’s seaside house. They have tow most adorable boys. I had so much fun hanging out with them. I did however suffer from sore muscles from carrying them around. I’l try to get some pictures and post them on the site soon.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Not an Emo

2006-07-18T10:37:00.000+02:00

I did not turn Emo on you guys I just don’t want to die in my bed from a heart disorder, yet.
I slept for another five hours so the week feeling around the heart is gone. This time I dreamt that I was at one of Artie’s shows. He was the last act. The audience was already sleeping. So to get them going he beat up his lovely female assistant. But that did not work either.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Heartbreak

2006-07-18T04:10:00.000+02:00

God damn that hurts!
Sometimes people know the moment their heart broke. Mine may not have broken but it has a serious crack.

I just spent fifteen minutes in my bad clutching my heart. No joke. I still feel the void now. The hole.

Shortly after Bojana and I broke up I started dreaming that our relationship was intact. That we were still together and loved each other. Some of these dreams were sexual in character. Last week I dreamt that Bojana and I had broken up but I was still tempting her to stay.

The dream I just had was different in nature. I dreamt I was in the US on my college campus. I dreamt we broke up and she moved into my room. I dreamt we had a short conversation before she entered my dorm and I rushed after her shortly after we parted. I called her on the cell phone but she told me she did not plan for me this evening – she had a male visitor in the dorm.
I was practically at the door when I swung away and took the stairs down. In the dream my heart rate increased. I grabbed my heart and I grabbed my head. My heart was breaking right then.

I woke up with my hart rate still up. Here, it has been a half an hour and I still feel physical discomfort in my chest area. The last dream I remember from the dream is a harpoon being fired.

My point is. It seems that my dreams finally caught up with my reality. Apparently it took a month. I am unsure of how she feels but I hope its better then this because this sucks ass. Worst thing is I told myself I will not allow for this to happen to me again. I guess one can do little about that.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Lobotomy

2006-07-13T16:12:00.000+02:00

I forgot how smart I am actually. The happiness I felt with Bojana (and trust me I was happy) lobotomized me. Was unable to feel anything else than that love I felt. Unable to think of anything but her. So much love, so much focus and so much failure.

It seems I was so afraid, so afraid of loosing her. It was a paralyzing fear. All consuming. All gone now. My brain is filling in again.. I still love her. And it still hurts. I still dream of her. I dream we are still together but I guess I’m letting go too. World is full of distractions. I am enjoying books and radio. I want to turn your attention to Radio open source.

They recently had a show of Emerson and of what his message tells us today. Show is hosted by Christopher Lydon a journalist with tough questions and a voice as enoyable as the fresh baked bread. Show in part is created by the listeners who often write in their ideas of what the show should tackle next. It is brilliant. Even those with half a brain like me can appreciate it. And all those with more definitely should. In any case this is helping me grow mine back. I highly recommend it.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Social Contract

2006-07-08T19:54:00.000+02:00

I was just reviewing Social Contract by Jean-Jacques Rousseau. In Chapter 10 “Abuse of the Government and its Tendency to Degenerate” Rousseau states that the State may dissolute in two cases:

The Prince (executive power) stops administering the State in accordance to the Laws
The Prince (executive power) usurps the sovereign power (expression of the will of the people)

Judging from what Bill Maher said in his last show “Real Time with Bill Maher” George Bush (The president of US, hence Executive power) recently started operating outside of law. By enacting these new regulations about wire tapping according to Maher he is acting beyond of the law because not even the Republican majority Senate would have passed that law. In addition he is completely disregarding a ruling by Supreme Court that he (the office of the Presidency) has no right to detain people in Guantanamo and must give them access to regular court. President is refusing to comply with this decision and is setting up special courts by the end of the year.

Hm, Check one, almost two. Now, all of you who know me know that I am more Republican leaning then Democrat. But this seems all sorts of wrong. According to Rousseau this kind of actions bring about the dissolution of the state and he calls the one who set themselves above the laws DESPOTS. Do recent actions of George Bush make him ripe to be called a despot or should he just fall into the CALLOUS category? This is for sure for American people to decide. I just thought this was an interesting thought.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Dreams

2006-07-08T13:31:00.000+02:00

It is funny how my brain fails to fail me. I wake up immediately after I dream of Bojana and somehow I manage to remember the dreams. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind shows that partial lobotomy doesn’t help. What am I to do?

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Morning Interludes

2006-07-07T09:32:00.000+02:00

Twice I slept and twice I dreamt the same.

I’m ill equipped to be myself today.

PlayStation day

2006-07-07T06:04:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was a PlayStation day. Some of you know what I mean, Artie more than most. For the rest of you… PlayStation day is a day when Sinisa would spend a whole day indoors talking to no one and playing PlayStation from sunup till sundown.

Only I don’t have a PlayStation so I’m officially renaming PlayStation day in to Podiobooks day. I’m hanging onto the world by the width of my broadband line (my broadband speed is nearing T1 but it is not there yet).

I learned about Podiobooks from Mur, (look at me reference to her like she is one of my best friends) who repeatedly mentions it on her I Should Be Writing podcast.

So, day before yesterday and yesterday I downloaded “7th Son: Book One – Descent” and “Brave Men Run”.

Regrettably, I don’t have a PayPal account (for now at least) so I’m expecting my friends in Americas to tip-jar my addictions for me. (Go spam some payments please – it’s for a good cause)

I listened to the whole Brave Men Run and I have to say I really enjoyed it. It’s like Adrian Mole with superpowers. Only better. This is a story of a teenager growing up with superpowers in the moment when “meta-humans” are announcing their existence. It’s set in the 1980’s. Matthew does a great job of reading and the music is excellent. Episode 17 – the short story is a good example of villain characterization.

“7th Son: Book One – Descent” is very, very good. I look forward to listening more of it.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Internet is a village

2006-07-07T04:52:00.000+02:00

No point in trying to go back to sleep. Dreams curse my reality – I hate them for it and I don’t want them to stop.

Where was I? O, yeah!
Internet is a village. Tim Elliot of the Winecast dropped me a line and said he is working on his pronunciation. Thanks Tim and good luck with the studying.

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Night Interludes

2006-07-07T03:30:00.000+02:00

How long will my dreams shatter on the shores of my reality?

How long will her sweet lips keep telling me sweet lies that she will stay?

Someone like you

2006-07-04T21:53:00.000+02:00

I just saw “Someone like you”. It aired on HRT 1. Film’s message is obviously about dealing with breakups and finding love after the one you thought was “THE ONE”.

I’m sure these thing happen in real life but I want to say something else:

“Damn Ashley Judd looks soooooo sweet doing a cheer girl routine in her undies!”

Please post your comments on my blog or write to me at

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Podcasts

2006-07-04T19:30:00.000+02:00

The other day I got a complaint that I’m not posting enough. Well Petra you were right. I do need to post more. I feel healthier when I write and it must be more interesting for you when you actually have something to read. For this reason I decided to share with you some of my passions.

Now that Bojana is gone I have my computer back. Recently I started to listen to podcasts again. For you who know nothing about podcasting let me explain a little bit about it.

Podcasting is like radio on your mp3 player. Essentially anyone willing to produce a “radio show” can do so and make it available on the Internet as a “webcast”. Then you, as an individual, can download the show and play it on your mp3 player. Name comes from world’s most popular mp3 player the i-pod.
Podcasts can be downloaded individually or automatically through a subscription service available through i-tunes or some other similar software.

Talk Radio

Most people when they hear about radio automatically think of music. While radio is a great source to hear music, it is also a great source for learning and information.

Talk radio is one of my older passions. It started in childhood when I listened to the radio show for kids about the adventures of “Tonkica Palonkica" and other radio dramas. Love of talk radio was rekindled when my friend Joe Curry aka. Papa Joe (see picture right) introduced me to NPR (National Public Radio). NPR remains a voice of reason in America and is funded through donations. Listening to NPR was my daily habit while I lived in the States. Thanks to their podcasts I am again able to enjoy their programming. I especially appreciate stories by Nina Totenberg concerning US Supreme Court and judicial changes within US and I love Science Friday with Ira Flatow.

Online magazines

Some other magazines like Times, Newsweek and Salon also have launched their podcasts I especially like the one on Slate.

Blogs

Some blogs are actually issued in audio and video form and these are original indie podcasts that pioneered in 2000-2001.

My favorite “indie” podcasts are:

Geek Fu Action Grip and I Should Be Writing by Mur Lafferty.

Skepticality hosted by Derek Colanduno and Swoopy (she had a very interesting music podcast called Projekt podcast - I'm not sure why it is gone)

Paranormal podcast with Jim Harold (who is a very nice man from what I can gather after exchanging short correspondence with him)

Winecast with Tim Elliot who I love to listen to despite his horrible pronunciations because he provides great information in his wine tasting.

Another phenomenal podcast is done by Ronald D. Moore the producer of Battlestar Galactica.

Great video podcast is Askaninja.

I am glad I was able to share this with you and I hope you learned something about me and about the web. Please post comments or write to me at:

sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Passion

2006-07-03T23:14:00.000+02:00

I saw Passion of the Christ.

I have to say I was not impressed. I thought it would be more gruesome. It seems very real though. I see where people who are Christian could be moved by it. I can’t say it was much of a stirring experience for me. I’m going to bed with great ease.

(This nice picture was created by Mr. Dessin)

So many takers

2006-06-30T13:37:00.000+02:00

Guess no one had anything to say.

Even birds in the trees…

2006-06-29T14:46:00.000+02:00

I just stepped out to the store a minute ago. While checking out in the line a lady employed there asked me: “Where is your girlfriend, we haven’t seen her in a while?” after a split second of shock I said: “She is at her grandmother’s. At the seaside.”

There is a saying that “Even he birds on the trees were singing about…” how much Bojana and I loved each other.

I always thought that people admired our relationship. I may have been wrong but the truth is people new us as a couple.

I would like to hear some of my friend’s opinions of my relationship with Bojana. Please post as comments or mail them to me at sinisa.zugic@gmail.com

Mawwage II

2006-06-29T09:34:00.000+02:00

My friend’s brother got married only a few weeks ago. Curios thing he did not marry a girl he spent last five years with. He married a girl he previously dated, (some years have passed since) not even six months after he dumped his long time girlfriend. (Granted, I would have dropped her too).

So, my friend tells me how life is unpredictable. Her brother hooked up, got married and has a child on the way within months after breaking off a long relationship. This on the other hand tells me something else.

Some of us who are holding out must believe we have been dealt a bad hand and awaiting a better one. In the meantime… bird in the hand...

Something to think about in any case.

Mawwage

2006-06-28T23:55:00.000+02:00

“Mawwage is what bwings us togethew today.
Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam.”

Is marriage a blessed arrangement, a dream within a dream, as “Impressive Clergyman” noted in “Princes Bride”?

I was out with a friend of mine today she will turn 30 soon (She is a Leo) just as I will turn 31 at the end of August. She finds herself in a predicament. After eight years of a relationship she plans to discuss marriage with her significant other. So far they danced around the subject for various reasons. Mind you, in the same conversation she stated that scientists proved that we need about thirty seconds of conversation to determine if we would consider someone for a partner.

Why is it such a touchy subject with a lot of us - especially now where marriages are made and unmade so easily? Why is it such a big step for some of us? Its not like its forever…

Wikipedia tells us that marriage is a rite of passage (A ritual performed in some cultures at times when an individual changes his/her status (as from adolescence to adulthood)).
Accepting that, we see that rite of passage consists of three parts and I quote:

The term was popularised by the French ethnographer Arnold van Gennep (1873-1957), in the early part of the twentieth century. According to Van Genneprites of passage have three phases: separation, liminality, and incorporation. In the first phase, people withdraw from the group and begin moving from one place or status to another. In the third phase, they reenter society, having completed the rite. The liminal phase is the period between states, during which people have left one place or state but haven't yet entered or joined the next. It is a state of limbo.

Please mark the liminal phase (from Latin līmen, meaning "a threshold") which I assume would in our case mark the act of commitment itself – saying of the vows.

Many of us seem stuck in the first phase – we are withdrawn from the world, we live with our “spouses to be” yet we cannot hump the threshold and emerge “married” – committed (If only for a short time).

Some remain unmarried for the duration of their lives, have children, grow old together and die (sometimes one right after the other - the bond is so strong). Some offer excuses like “Women are chained in a marriage – dependant on their husbands who will no doubt go crazy the same moment they wed and chain them to the kitchen sink, or the bedroom” – or “So many fishes in the sea - why should I marry this one – the other one has a nicer rack – etc, etc…”

What I’m saying is why are some of us so incomplete, and prefer to stay so for fear of making a decision – a choice, even if it is a bad one?

The answer could be that by choosing a partner we choose ourselves and some cannot bear to see their choice. “Afraid of selves they are” – Yoda might say. Afraid of selves even for that short time they might spend in a marriage.

So I say: COURAGE PEOPLE, COURAGE!

Face yourselves and face your fears. Yay or Nay? Speak it out loud!

For only then we can truly say if marriage indeed is a blessed arrangement.

Revolver

2006-06-27T17:26:00.000+02:00

I saw Revolver.
Movie tells of the enemy that lives inside us. Puts boundaries we cannot cross. I realized this some time ago and decided to start breaking my own rules. So I’m planning on buying Nike shoes and a Nokia telephone.

There are good days and bad.
Today was better then yesterday.

The problem is filling your days so depression does not set in. And the fiends, they can’t hold your hand through it all. They have their own lives to live.

Moving away seldom helps.

Walk the line

2006-06-26T23:00:00.000+02:00

I just saw Walk the line.

Film only leads me to one conclusion.
All good things come to those who wait.

My very concerned friend Vesna, after hearing I started a blog asked me. “I don’t like the way you sound. The blog is not about Bojana is it?”

Well, Vesna, no. The blog is not about Bojana. It is however about my life. It is here to let my friends know about what is going on in it. Every day they can swing by and see what I’m thinking. What I’m dreaming, what I’m reading, listening. Bojana happens to be a part of my life. Very important part of my life.

Whoever likes it or not. Life is mine and I will not stop loving her. For good or for bad I love her. Tremendously. I always will. I may move on but I reserve the right not to.

I’m not the mopping kind. My life is very, very simple now.
But all the flare is gone. The world has lost its color.
All I feel is that my life has been is a series of botched attempts at happiness. And not for lack of trying. I’m not the man who stands outside the fire. All I’m left with is to pick up and try again, and that trick was old last fifteen times I used it.

Last time we broke up, five years ago I wrote “Letters from the edge”. This time I’m blogging. Man has to deal with it somehow.

Tomorrow will be a week since I saw her so I’ll be sentimental and post a “poem” I wrote my freshman year. Its called “Seven days”:

Seven days have come to pass,

Since I saw you last,

Take these offered seven roses,

For those seven days of rain,

For those seven days of cold.

Without your smile to make them bright,

Without your touch to make them warm.

Bojana and I broke up

2006-06-26T13:36:00.000+02:00

This pretty lady (see picture) and I broke up.

It is difficult to break up when you love some one so much but it seems better for both of us.

I wish her all the luck in the world, and all the success.

As for me I’m surprisingly ok.

Now I just need to find a date, heh